Figyog is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, awe-inspiring goblin.

Figyog created silver eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Figyog, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Figyog, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Figyog's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Figyog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cats.

2. You must pray to Figyog six times a day.

3. Figyog must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.