Matbeplog is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, bad-tempered chinchilla.

Matbeplog created gold seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matbeplog, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Matbeplog, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Matbeplog's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Matbeplog's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Feed all hungry pigs.

3. Run away if three turtles approach from the north.

4. Never think about quantum gravity.

5. Do not chop down trees.