Monkikvon is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, cheerful pig.

Monkikvon created carbon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Monkikvon, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Monkikvon, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Monkikvon's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Monkikvon's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near mites while wearing brown dresses and balancing seven gold spheres on your feet.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Monkikvon in the centre of the settlement.