Looplakfun is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, thoughtless cow.

Looplakfun created Mount Everest two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Looplakfun, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Looplakfun, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Looplakfun's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Looplakfun's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from gray voles, for they are unholy.

2. Never think about dark matter near ants while wearing mauve shoes and balancing six platinum spheres on your head.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never wear blue tights.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.