Tonbellbodcit is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, proud mongoose.

Tonbellbodcit created the world eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonbellbodcit, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tonbellbodcit, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tonbellbodcit's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Tonbellbodcit's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat corn.

2. Never wear scarves.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Never leap in the presence of snakes.