Joncutdun is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, idiotic ferret.

Joncutdun created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Joncutdun, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Joncutdun, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Joncutdun's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Joncutdun's Holy Commandments

1. Always help turtles.

2. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Joncutdun on top of all buildings.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always look after injured hamsters.

5. Do not eat peas.