Ontfosslig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, almighty jackal.

Ontfosslig created the Sun four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontfosslig, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ontfosslig, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Ontfosslig's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Ontfosslig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Ontfosslig loves voles, so they must be honoured.