Ontbugfas is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, slow newt.

Ontbugfas created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ontbugfas, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ontbugfas, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Ontbugfas' most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Ontbugfas' Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Ontbugfas.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Put Ontbugfas first in all things.

4. Do not wear copper on your body.

5. You must pray to Ontbugfas eight times a day.