Xucyarpganbest is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, idiotic gerbil.

Xucyarpganbest created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucyarpganbest, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Xucyarpganbest, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Xucyarpganbest's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Xucyarpganbest's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat nuts.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not wear indigo clothing.

4. Do not wear tin on your body.

5. Do not chop down trees.