Witvonmid is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, uncaring swallow.

Witvonmid created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Witvonmid, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Witvonmid, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Witvonmid's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Witvonmid's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick gulls.

2. Never talk about dark energy near capybaras while wearing yellow shorts and balancing seven silicon spheres on your legs.

3. Do not eat cucumbers.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never wear brown stockings.