Mabtifwad is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, vain dugong.

Mabtifwad created humankind two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mabtifwad, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Mabtifwad, it will turn you into a puffin.

Mabtifwad's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Mabtifwad's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. You must never eat cucumbers.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Mabtifwad.

4. Never wear mauve scarves.

5. Always take life seriously.