Yattvabben is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, slow aardvark.

Yattvabben created Mount Everest eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yattvabben, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Yattvabben, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Yattvabben's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Yattvabben's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Worship no other gods but Yattvabben.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yattvabben.

4. Do not wear iron on your body.

5. Run away from yellow badgers, for they are unholy.