Milgutjen is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, omniscient aardvark.

Milgutjen created matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Milgutjen, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Milgutjen, he will not invite you to parties.

Milgutjen's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Milgutjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never think about stars.

3. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

4. You must never eat bread.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.