Wanpinvadsid Farntonbess is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, omnipotent raven.

Wanpinvadsid Farntonbess created a top quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Wanpinvadsid Farntonbess, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Wanpinvadsid Farntonbess, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Wanpinvadsid Farntonbess' most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Wanpinvadsid Farntonbess' Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never play with disobedient children.