Xuckmetsad is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, merciful centipede.

Xuckmetsad created dark matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckmetsad, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Xuckmetsad, it will turn you into a snail.

Xuckmetsad's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Xuckmetsad's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six sharks approach from the north.

2. Never write about dark energy.

3. Swans are not to be trusted.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.