Gatvedrap Vandamvol is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, selfish tapir.

Gatvedrap Vandamvol created parasitic wasps six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatvedrap Vandamvol, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gatvedrap Vandamvol, she will curse you with boils.

Gatvedrap Vandamvol's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Gatvedrap Vandamvol's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Ducks are not to be trusted.

4. Never think about optics near otters while wearing fawn ear rings and balancing nine zinc spheres on your back.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.