Kemgupgum is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, resourceful badger.

Kemgupgum created the Tadpole Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Kemgupgum, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kemgupgum, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Kemgupgum's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Kemgupgum's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large tin sculpture of Kemgupgum on top of all buildings.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Kemgupgum.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.