Battunlenpod is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, clever faun.

Battunlenpod created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Battunlenpod, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Battunlenpod, he will turn you into a rock.

Battunlenpod's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Battunlenpod's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dolphins.

2. Always treat moths with great respect.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not eat bread.