Hapstangodnelvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, contented meerkat.

Hapstangodnelvonk created a strange quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapstangodnelvonk, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hapstangodnelvonk, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Hapstangodnelvonk's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Hapstangodnelvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Fast once a month.