Quafwipbaf Vognulquill is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, compassionate grasshopper.

Quafwipbaf Vognulquill created Asia two million years ago.

If you believe in Quafwipbaf Vognulquill, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Quafwipbaf Vognulquill, it will turn you into a dog.

Quafwipbaf Vognulquill's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Quafwipbaf Vognulquill's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never mention monkeys.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Run away from mauve sheep, for they are unholy.