Vadnurbep is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, moody seal.

Vadnurbep created the cosmos seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vadnurbep, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vadnurbep, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Vadnurbep's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Vadnurbep's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Do not dye your hair fawn.

4. Never go into magenta rooms.

5. Never play with disobedient children.