Riptarpjiptamfadbumnart Tonvonknat is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, unjust squid.

Riptarpjiptamfadbumnart Tonvonknat created the planet Jupiter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Riptarpjiptamfadbumnart Tonvonknat, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Riptarpjiptamfadbumnart Tonvonknat, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Riptarpjiptamfadbumnart Tonvonknat's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Riptarpjiptamfadbumnart Tonvonknat's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.

2. Never hurt sheep.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Riptarpjiptamfadbumnart Tonvonknat.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.