Yokpoghat is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, bad-tempered bird.

Yokpoghat created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yokpoghat, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yokpoghat, she will manifest in front of you.

Yokpoghat's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Yokpoghat's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Learn nine new languages a year.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.