Flatbonmin is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, omniscient crow.

Flatbonmin created the Sol system six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatbonmin, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Flatbonmin, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Flatbonmin's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Flatbonmin's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Run away from indigo whales, for they are unholy.

3. Hide from white gulls for they are unholy.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not kill hamsters.