Yakarncin is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, awesome octopus.

Yakarncin created gold three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakarncin, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yakarncin, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Yakarncin's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Yakarncin's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about spacetime.

2. Never sprint in holy places.

3. Do not take Yakarncin's name in vain.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yakarncin.

5. Never pour water over plants.