Tanjoprakgem is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, selfish jaguar.

Tanjoprakgem created vertebrates two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tanjoprakgem, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tanjoprakgem, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tanjoprakgem's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Tanjoprakgem's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not keep seven seals in a large pit.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Hide from yellow whales for they are unholy.

5. Never eat cucumbers.