Toncapwot Pakcat is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, selfish manatee.

Toncapwot Pakcat created light eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Toncapwot Pakcat, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Toncapwot Pakcat, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Toncapwot Pakcat's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Toncapwot Pakcat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never think about amino acids.