Kanshavlak is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, happy duck.

Kanshavlak created parasitic wasps seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanshavlak, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Kanshavlak, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Kanshavlak's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Kanshavlak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Kanshavlak on top of all buildings.

4. Do not speak about melons.

5. Never leap in the presence of dogs.