Arpjarnzod is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, generous unicorn.

Arpjarnzod created gold three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpjarnzod, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Arpjarnzod, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Arpjarnzod's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Arpjarnzod's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never write about quantum gravity.

4. Never talk about amino acids.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.