Figfararp is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, selfish meerkat.

Figfararp created the solar system nine million years ago.

If you believe in Figfararp, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Figfararp, it will turn you into a snail.

Figfararp's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Figfararp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.