Ratgonlog is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, conceited gorilla.

Ratgonlog created bats eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ratgonlog, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Ratgonlog, he will refuse to believe in you.

Ratgonlog's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Ratgonlog's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Never think ill of sick capybaras.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity near nematodes while wearing purple ear rings.