Lapcinged is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, overgenerous squirrel.

Lapcinged created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapcinged, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Lapcinged, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Lapcinged's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Lapcinged's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a room before entering it.

2. Never think about moons.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always wear orange.