Ontkipbafingpangmot is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, vain monkey.

Ontkipbafingpangmot created a strange quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontkipbafingpangmot, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ontkipbafingpangmot, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Ontkipbafingpangmot's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Ontkipbafingpangmot's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bananas.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Run away from indigo moths, for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near rats while wearing mauve shoes and balancing three carbon spheres on your chest.

5. Always take life seriously.