Vonquartsag is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, two-faced dryad.

Vonquartsag created parasitic wasps two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonquartsag, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vonquartsag, she will jump up and down on your head.

Vonquartsag's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Vonquartsag's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near dolphins.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Feed all hungry great tits.

4. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Vonquartsag in the centre of the settlement.

5. Doves are not to be trusted.