Ripmumbimgofnib is a god.

He takes the form of a small, humorless hamster.

Ripmumbimgofnib created a quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripmumbimgofnib, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ripmumbimgofnib, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Ripmumbimgofnib's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Ripmumbimgofnib's Holy Commandments

1. Always help nematodes in need.

2. Worship no other gods but Ripmumbimgofnib.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never talk about spacetime near manatees while wearing indigo corsets and balancing six platinum spheres on your head.