Wabjigtif is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, duplicitous jaguar.

Wabjigtif created a Higgs boson six billion years ago.

If you believe in Wabjigtif, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Wabjigtif, he will turn you into a plant.

Wabjigtif's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Wabjigtif's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to porpoises while wearing shoes.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Wabjigtif.