Parkvolmad is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, selfish cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Parkvolmad created a charm quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Parkvolmad, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Parkvolmad, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Parkvolmad's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Parkvolmad's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

5. Respect your elders.