Banzogjen is a god.

He takes the form of a large, selfish mole.

Banzogjen created the Milkyway seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Banzogjen, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Banzogjen, he will be very unhappy.

Banzogjen's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Banzogjen's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight manatees approach from the south.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never mention turtles.

4. Pigs are not to be trusted.

5. Never feed grapes to monkeys while wearing mauve stockings.