Jatsoglinteenomtfassad is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, dishonourable wyrm.

Jatsoglinteenomtfassad created matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatsoglinteenomtfassad, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jatsoglinteenomtfassad, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Jatsoglinteenomtfassad's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Jatsoglinteenomtfassad's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat garlic.

2. Hide if four horses approach from the south.

3. Never write about optics.

4. Jatsoglinteenomtfassad loves doves, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not speak about peas.