Honnurtdog is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, happy tapir.

Honnurtdog created the universe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Honnurtdog, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Honnurtdog, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Honnurtdog's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Honnurtdog's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Honnurtdog on top of all buildings.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Hide from red tortoises for they are unholy.

4. Never wear coats.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.