Parkfitgen is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, self-confident swan.

Parkfitgen created the planet Earth nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkfitgen, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Parkfitgen, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Parkfitgen's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Parkfitgen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about mites.

2. Never write about dark energy.

3. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.