Larpjatjab is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, astonishing snail.

Larpjatjab created the Sunflower Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larpjatjab, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Larpjatjab, she will boil you in a big pot.

Larpjatjab's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Larpjatjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

2. You must never eat grapes.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near nematodes while wearing blue skirts and balancing four silicon spheres on your chest.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.