Flanlarpbast is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, omniscient whale.

Flanlarpbast created the planet Mars seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Flanlarpbast, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Flanlarpbast, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Flanlarpbast's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Flanlarpbast's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from red monkeys for they are unholy.

2. Flanlarpbast must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always wear gray.

4. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.