Kipfatpan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, benevolent cat.

Kipfatpan created a quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipfatpan, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kipfatpan, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Kipfatpan's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Kipfatpan's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Kipfatpan's priests.

2. Always help doves in need.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not kill dolphins.