Yamveen is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, boastful gerbil.

Yamveen created life five million years ago.

If you believe in Yamveen, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Yamveen, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Yamveen's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Yamveen's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

2. Never chant near squirrels.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never write about stars.

5. Do not stand on grass.