Xuckjanfob is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unthoughtful troll.

Xuckjanfob created dark matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Xuckjanfob, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Xuckjanfob, it will turn you into a hamster.

Xuckjanfob's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Xuckjanfob's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never talk about gravity near pigs while wearing yellow skirts and balancing six carbon spheres on your chest.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near snails while wearing green hats and balancing five platinum spheres on your head.

4. Never look at dwarf planets.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.