Veenvog is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, awe-inspiring cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Veenvog created light seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Veenvog, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Veenvog, he will ignore you.

Veenvog's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Veenvog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never eat carrots.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.