Bemranbanhiv is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, overgenerous squid.

Bemranbanhiv created the Milkyway nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bemranbanhiv, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bemranbanhiv, it will refuse to believe in you.

Bemranbanhiv's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Bemranbanhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about thermodynamics.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never laugh in the presence of tortoises.