Vidlarntig is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, witless giraffe.

Vidlarntig created humankind nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vidlarntig, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Vidlarntig, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Vidlarntig's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Vidlarntig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Hide from cyan eagles for they are unholy.

4. Never go into turquoise rooms.

5. Do not drink water in purple rooms.