Yathinstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, almighty hummingbird.

Yathinstaf created everything that exists seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yathinstaf, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Yathinstaf, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Yathinstaf's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Yathinstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about apples.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Always look after injured manatees.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not shave your back.